this journal is going to be full of pictures from now on.
one picture to represent one day.
i'm tired of words; this is one more step to becoming completely anti-social
one side of me is worried about the way this year is going so far
but the other side of my is secretly happy to have all this time to myself lately.
the one thing i'm 100% agreed with myself on is the fact that i have absolutely no time to practice. i really miss my music. it's so much a part of me and i didn't even realize it until it wasn't part of my daily routine anymore.
this year is not all bad though.
i'm looking forward to playing in the olmos ensemble
it is going to be one of the best things i will do for a while, i'm sure.
besides going to the academy next year.
i've got to find a way to go...it's just not an option.
i can't stay here for one more year. i've got to get out of here.
and the way things are going...noone will even notice i'm gone
school is 80% exhaustion and 20% thinking constantly about how the only place i want to be in the whole world is the Academy.
shopping for travel stuff
being able to take 3 suitcases
playing scrabble with my friends
[sort-of like] ftx
& photo strips.
what do you like?
i'm grounded until i get back from interlochen, which is august 3rd.
my mom isnt herself & i dont recognize her. & i want my real mom back.
my dad...well i dont fucking know what happened to him.
i've been grounded 4 times this week. ungrounded 2. not counting today.
we'll see if this sentence lasts
but i have a bad feeling.
my parents aren't my parents anymore.
please keep in touch.
i'm watching a documentary about symphony musicians
it's one of the most interesting things i've ever seen.
they are all geniuses
i think i've come to the realization that i could never be one of them.
these past couple weeks have been more eventful than the whole entire year.
there was comm arts banquet, which was amazinng. i had a wonderful time. i danced for the first time at a school event. every kind of dancing too. even gangster dancing. i felt very accomplished.
i thought i was 100% over him but yesterday i realized that i'm not even close. thank goodness for summer. it will help me forget. breaks are always a good thing.
last friday i came in the door after school and there was a message playing on the message machine...and was mr. perkes inviting me to play in the young artists series of the olmos ensemble next year...and they're paying me...and its going to be amazing and i can't believe he even considered me for it let alone invited me. mr. perkes is quickly becoming one of my favorite people. he's one of the smartest people i have ever met & i have leraned soo much from him. it's ridiculous.
i'm looking forward to interlochen but at the same time i'm freaking out about how i am going to get everything that i need & more importantly how i'm going to get it on a plane all the way to freaking michigan. this is going to require a lot of thinking.
i wonder if i'm going to be a completely different person when i get back.
i wonder i'm going to recognize my friends next year.
supposedly this is the summer where we all change the most.
anyway, back to earth.
tomorrow is the chemistry exam. will i fail?
the espanol examen today was muy dificil, i thought.
and english..pshh we'll see how that goes.
good luck everyone w/ your finals & the end of the school year :]
first order of business.
CONGRATULATIONS KIM CLEMONS!
you knew it. you knew it.
tonight made my head spin.
it was amazing & sad & long.
i was so busy being in stress mode, where i make myself immune to things, that it was sort of a surprise to have time to feel sad or happy or surprised.
surprise being the key word.
[stars & stripes, 05!!, hugs, DMs, SLs, council, war chant]
good surprises and surprising surprises.
i saw my big sisters from 05.
& michael greene & robert farias & alex & brandon.
i remember thinking...if i missed them last years seniors this much, whats it going to be like when 06 is gone?
its funny how i got so caught up this year in just surviving until june 3rd that i forgot that i was also counting down til the day when some of the best people i know will be leaving.
the juniors my freshman year were the ones that adopted me & brought me into the "family". i owe a lot to them.
next year is going to be a lot different.
i guess you just have to learn to adapt.
oh & allison? 98.7%. :/
here's what i miss.
the days when i used to get home before 8:30 at night,
my cell phone,
my 9:00 bedtime,
my old routine.
my clean room,
hanging out with my mom,
time to practice,
here is what i want.
[all of the above]
here is what i'm not going to get.
[all of the above]
this is the part of the school year where you have to focus all your energy into just making it out alive & sane.
[edit: we got lucky charms. thank god.]